WWOOF

For the last month I have been living with strangers and doing odd jobs for them
in exchange for room and board. It's been a real experience in the game of life.
I've found myself doing things I'd never do if I wasn't in this situation.
I've learned to plant from seed, transplant seedlings, catch a chicken, feed a
horse, level concrete, clear brush with a machete..I think tomorrow I'll be
mowing my first lawn..the list is endless. Everyday something new and different.

Challenge.

It has humbled me more than once, tried my patience on several occasions, and
deepened my compassion in ways I never imagined. When you live in this type of
an arrangement, you eat what and when they eat, go when and where they take
you, and do what, when they tell you. I AM NOT USED TO THAT AT ALL. I've
lived the last few years prior in my own place, doing what and when I please.
I've never though of myself as a finicky eater, but a healthy one. Well, in the last
month I must have gained 5 kilos eating whatever was being fed to me. I can still
fit into my pants. Barely. You could say, kindly, that I look "healthy". The
heaviest I've been since I started my war with my body image about 10 years ago.
I'll blame that on the modeling and a skinny anorexic boyfriend. But with no
scales or mirrors, I have no way of knowing. no way of controlling. This is
interesting. The only other time I've been this heavy was my 6 wk backpack to
Europe, when all I ate for a month was cheese and chocolate. For the last week
I've had beef for every meal. Heavy, saucy meals. heaps of it. And when someone
hands you a plate of food, you eat it. Especially if you were hungry 2 hours ago.

So thats this.I think the next part of my journey will be finding balance between
too much control, and this over indulgence to spite myself role I've taken on.
I WILL NOT GET FAT. But I will also not be one of those girls that starves
herself. Not anymore. I want to enjoy my life. And my body. There must be a
way. I'm hitting the gym next week. It's not too late to turn this around .