Waves

Waves..it all comes in waves. one moment you're high on inspiration, minutes from elation, and the next, plunged into depression. For what reason? It's all the same thing really. What makes us happy eventually will make us miserable, either through loss, transformation, or some other form of torture. It's all so cynical, I mean, cyclical. Just like the ocean. Someone said to me last night that my relationship with the ocean is a direct reflection of my personal relationships. Well, that explains alot.

I've had a bad relationship with the ocean since I was about 11. It was around then that I got scared of it. And truthfully, although I hadn't thought about it for ages, I havent been in the ocean hardly since then. Until now. All I want to do is run into the water and tumble in the waves. I have become infatuated by it.
Yesterday, I got chased by a wave. It was amazing. I was standing on the beach, looking out over the ocean, a dreary grey sky up above. When I noticed a wave coming. For some reason, I thought, I'm gonna run and let it chase me. I turned around and no sooner than I did, it came up quickly all around me, gushing forward, drenching me to my thighs. That wave went all the way up into the sand dunes. A rogue wave. Everything we had brought with us was pushed up the beach, soaked with sand and sea. Luckily, my camera stayed relatively dry. But I didn't even care, I was so impressed.

This is what its all about right now.

Living out here on the "farm" in Mullumbimby is a challenge everyday..It's lifeskills I'm learning here. Survival. From the tiny little things, like sharing and being considerate of the many housemates(when you're used to being all on your own) to physically difficult things to do, like using a machete to hack down jungle-like vines and wading through 5ft grass hoping no snakes are about.(I guess thats mental, but still..) The spiders still get me. Yesterday, I shrieked uncontrollably as one jumped out of a box I was rummaging through. damn things are HUGE. and quick.

Anyway, I've decided to stay a bit, for lack of a better, cheaper option for the next week. I don't know how it'll go. The brother is going through a messy split up with the Mrs. and two kids (poor buggers) so its "dramas", and the work is medial and sometimes trivial and pointless in my opinion. Two brothers trying to build a room, with big dreams and ideas flying through the air but little actually getting done. "Boom, boom boom and its done, ya see.?." over and over again. I get frustrated at times, and want to give up. But something is keeping me here, and as the rain buckets down on this chilly winter morning in May, I think, this is a home. The only one I know for now. Another week I can handle. And then...off for more adventure.