Friday, February 26, 2010
Am I Changing?
This is the question..2 months away from "home", Austin that is, and nearly that long in Australia. Weeks pass and they feel like months as everyday something new, different, or something I've never seen crosses my path, yet it all starts to look the same. I work, HARD at my job, serving coffee and lunch to those who broadcast live on the airwaves in Melbourne..wishing I was doing something else. But what? What do I want to do? Where is this journey taking me? Further down the road I've already been, in a different country, but the same ol shit, different country. I want to see something DIFFERENT. And so I'll leave Melbourne soon, in the next 6 weeks, and look for something else, something that isn't the same as I've already seen. Bush country perhaps..and some other kind of folks. Need to stop drinking in the city, and start soaking up the scenery..
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tex Mex
It was a success! Virginia made these AWESOME tofu veggie enchiladas that blew my mind, especially since I don't particularly care for tofu, half vegan for Katia, and half smothered with the best "mexican" cheese we could find, a white cheddar type called Tasty (hah). I made traditional Clowe Nachos with refried beans, pickled jalapenos (one on each chip) and cheese, with fresh guacamole and pico de gallo on the side. I also made quesadillas with spinach, mushrooms, capsicum, garlic, onion and of course, cheese. Robbie followed with black beans !YAY!that he managed to find at the Vic Market and I also scored some Tecate from the half price wine store down the road for $9.95 a sixer, with limes and salt for us Texans. My neighbors Rob and Simon came down and enjoyed the food, although Simon refused the pico because he said hot stuff made him sweat..but all in all, a lovely afternoon and evening spent with friends and my favorite thing..FOOD! It wasn't even too expensive, as I went to the market a walking distance from our house, and picked up most of the veggies for cheap. Apparently thats the only way to shop cheaply. The markets are cheap, the grocery store is NOT, especially for fruit and veg. Kinda backwards, or should I just say different from home, where a trip to the farmers market is a hit in the pocket.
Having a party put me back in a better frame of mind, reminding me how much I love to entertain, and even though it was small, it was just the right amount of people, and everyone pitched in for the effort. I LOVE it when it all works out like that. They even stayed to help clean up! And now I have my Sunday to laze around, drink tea and read my latest purchase, a used copy of The Devil Wears Prada.
I also had a very interesting conversation with Virginia that made me realize that while I get lonely, and I mean really lonely and scared traveling alone, I am doing it the only way I could..solo. I need my space, and time and when I want company, I just have to go out and find it. Or pick up a book, or turn on the tunes (which by the way, all my local favs on my MP3 player has been saving my LIFE)
Everything is as it should be. And in due time, I am confident it will make sense to me. How, why, what, when...etc. Life.
Having a party put me back in a better frame of mind, reminding me how much I love to entertain, and even though it was small, it was just the right amount of people, and everyone pitched in for the effort. I LOVE it when it all works out like that. They even stayed to help clean up! And now I have my Sunday to laze around, drink tea and read my latest purchase, a used copy of The Devil Wears Prada.
I also had a very interesting conversation with Virginia that made me realize that while I get lonely, and I mean really lonely and scared traveling alone, I am doing it the only way I could..solo. I need my space, and time and when I want company, I just have to go out and find it. Or pick up a book, or turn on the tunes (which by the way, all my local favs on my MP3 player has been saving my LIFE)
Everything is as it should be. And in due time, I am confident it will make sense to me. How, why, what, when...etc. Life.
Friday, February 19, 2010
There is something wrong with this picture..
I am on "holiday" working 30 hrs a week trying to make enough money to actually enjoy myself here in Melbourne. I wake at 8am (some days 6am), have a cup of tea and a light brekky, then trudge off to work at 9 to get there by 10. I work til 6, and then trudge back, through the cold, heat, sun, rain..whatever happens to be the mood of mother nature that day. I get home around 7, with a bag full of free food that they were going to chuck, and eat as much as I can, try to pawn off some to my other traveling friends who are broke and hungry too. I am exhausted. I can't sleep well as the terrible nightmares are plaguing me still, almost every night. And I am doing nothing that I WANT to do. But what else CAN I do? If I quit this job, finding another will be hard and I will never make it through a year without more money that I've got. Just to send a letter costs over $2! Rent here is $175/wk, and that is cheap for where I am and what I've got, only one roomie who's hardly ever home. And that would be GREAT if I had some friends here. But I only have a few and they seem to forget about me quickly unless there is constant communication. I am lonely. I am tired. I am weary. And I am lost at sea, literally. I do not know what I need to do to be happy here, not to worry or be frightened by the nightmares and the thought that I may not make it here. It is hard and I am still myself, the same old worrying self conscious, brokenhearted me that can't GET OVER IT. Get over it! So what if the love of your life hasn't crossed your path? I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't love. So what if your job sucks? They all do. Being the new girl is the worst. The girls pick on me all the time, telling me what to do and over correcting my every move. I am guilty for these offenses,and I am getting a taste of my own medicine and it is BITTER. hard to swallow. Tears well up sometimes and I fight hard not to let them see my frustration as I see them doing all the things they tell me not to do. Some days they're nice, but they never invite me to do anything with them like my austin peeps would, and at the end of the day, its the long walk home for me. As if I had energy for much else.I am feeling sorry for myself and I am sorry for feeling sorry for myself because I should be glad to be here, for this opportunity, but I am tired and I wish someone would hold me. Tell me its ok, that they love me and I am not alone. But I am. And no one comes. And the tears well up again and this time I'm alone and I let them come. Maybe this will help. Get it out. And get over it. This will only make you stronger. This will only make you appreciate your life as it once was so easy, and now so challenging, everyday so much harder, just to "be". I know it will get better. But these pages are for my rantings, for whomever wants to listen to what goes on inside your head when you're alone in the world with your own head, and you can't get out of it. I can't get out of it. Or over it. But I WILL> If its the only thing I do here, I will get out of my head and get on with my life and forgive and forget all the sad things that brought me here. I am only human. I make mistakes and that is the only way I know how to learn. And so I go on..alone in this world, searching for the happiness I have only ever dreamed of so long ago, I've forgotten now what it looks like. But I'll know it when I see it. For now I pray for the nightmares to go away, for a peaceful sleep and a better day tomorrow than today. Goodnight.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Venting Part II
Frustrations
I have concocted a cure for mine out of muddled mint leaves, honey, a splash of limon juice, shot (or two) of whiskey and a dash of water over ice. Nothing to do on a Monday night, my roomates have the only seats at the cardtable in the house that aren't boiling ( no air con in the bedrooms) so I am stationed on the balcony balancing my laptop on my lap sitting on the concrete. It hurts my bum. And my spirits are not dampened, but on fire.
"Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said.."
ah well, after a 30 min walk to and from the tram in 34 C, 8 hrs on my feet, and a row with my landlord, I'm a bit spent, but still simmering. Ray LaMontagne blaring from my tiny speakers I smoke the last cigarette from Austin. I've been saving it for a time like this. When I am out of ideas on how to entertain myself joyfully. I watched the Spirit of Tasmania cruiser ship out as the sun went down. It was a beautiful send off. Now showered and dressed for bed, I cannot sleep. My mind twisting around what I'm doing out here, as it often does. Far from the comforts of even a makeshift home, my air mattress has begun deflating. Addressed some postcards to home, trying to ward off the inevitable lonely that happens when traveling alone. Not every day can be a party. Life won't last very long that way anyway. Some days you just have to breathe in a little deeper, and take it as it comes. I'm not unhappy, just the usual disatisfaction when things don't go my way. I am insatiable, and therefor not worried by this feeling. Just saddened that life can't be joyful all the time. Why so cruel? At least the nightmares have subsided, for the most part now my dreams are just silly pieces of memories mixed with my new reality. I think Johnny Depp was in my dreams last night, so not all that bad I suppose. I should get some sleep. The construction workers start early with all their drilling and pounding, cutting and pasting up another new condo building right next door to this cheaply made one. With the window wide open it makes for a rude awakening at 630 am, from a steamy sleep in the Melbourne summer heat. I watched a special last night on Black Saturday. February 7, 2009 was the worst bush fire this area has ever seen. Many lives were taken as a blazing inferno ripped through the countryside, with virtually no warning, entire cities were burned to the ground. It was heartbreaking to hear the stories, one in particular, a grandmother lost her grandchildren in her own house, unable to get them out in time..what a burden to bear. To have to tell her daughter that she'd lost them, unable to protect them. This country is brutal at times, I've seen it with my own eyes, felt it's burning sun and gale force winds, that change on a dime and then the cold summer nights. Unreal. Extreme. That's life in Australia for now.
I have concocted a cure for mine out of muddled mint leaves, honey, a splash of limon juice, shot (or two) of whiskey and a dash of water over ice. Nothing to do on a Monday night, my roomates have the only seats at the cardtable in the house that aren't boiling ( no air con in the bedrooms) so I am stationed on the balcony balancing my laptop on my lap sitting on the concrete. It hurts my bum. And my spirits are not dampened, but on fire.
"Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mama said.."
ah well, after a 30 min walk to and from the tram in 34 C, 8 hrs on my feet, and a row with my landlord, I'm a bit spent, but still simmering. Ray LaMontagne blaring from my tiny speakers I smoke the last cigarette from Austin. I've been saving it for a time like this. When I am out of ideas on how to entertain myself joyfully. I watched the Spirit of Tasmania cruiser ship out as the sun went down. It was a beautiful send off. Now showered and dressed for bed, I cannot sleep. My mind twisting around what I'm doing out here, as it often does. Far from the comforts of even a makeshift home, my air mattress has begun deflating. Addressed some postcards to home, trying to ward off the inevitable lonely that happens when traveling alone. Not every day can be a party. Life won't last very long that way anyway. Some days you just have to breathe in a little deeper, and take it as it comes. I'm not unhappy, just the usual disatisfaction when things don't go my way. I am insatiable, and therefor not worried by this feeling. Just saddened that life can't be joyful all the time. Why so cruel? At least the nightmares have subsided, for the most part now my dreams are just silly pieces of memories mixed with my new reality. I think Johnny Depp was in my dreams last night, so not all that bad I suppose. I should get some sleep. The construction workers start early with all their drilling and pounding, cutting and pasting up another new condo building right next door to this cheaply made one. With the window wide open it makes for a rude awakening at 630 am, from a steamy sleep in the Melbourne summer heat. I watched a special last night on Black Saturday. February 7, 2009 was the worst bush fire this area has ever seen. Many lives were taken as a blazing inferno ripped through the countryside, with virtually no warning, entire cities were burned to the ground. It was heartbreaking to hear the stories, one in particular, a grandmother lost her grandchildren in her own house, unable to get them out in time..what a burden to bear. To have to tell her daughter that she'd lost them, unable to protect them. This country is brutal at times, I've seen it with my own eyes, felt it's burning sun and gale force winds, that change on a dime and then the cold summer nights. Unreal. Extreme. That's life in Australia for now.
Venting
Reality Sets in After a Month..
and it's all the same. Only WORSE, in fact. Now the "new girl" at work, I do all the shit work of course, work the yucky shifts, etc. After a long day on my feet doing the dirty work, I get ANOTHER annoying phone call from my temporary lawyer landlord about bills.??$!!$!! I thought they were all included, in fact, I am nearly sure we agreed upon it, and now he changes his tune. He has rung me nearly every day in the 3 weeks I've lived here about something or other. I am sick of his voice and his nagging texting and now I am just sick of him and want out of here asap. Good thing it's Saturday before I know it, and I'll be moving from here and this. THAT part is the wonderful thing about this traveling. Never in one place, no matter how good or bad, for very long. And now that I have my camera back, I can commence with the sightseeing and documenting. I am getting my bearings now, and can navigate around town pretty well with my map. Once I'm in Richmond, I've got a friend just down the road and a park across the street. In fact, I can walk through the park to work everyday if I want. Work has managed to get 4 days out of me, but at $15/hr cash I can't complain. It will allow me some time and money to figure out my next move, and enjoy the rest of my time here, with alot less stress, I HOPE. Let's hope. Once winter sets in here, I'll need to find warmer drier ground. Once I've got internet at home, I can do some research and figure out where's next and what's what. And what else to do while I'm here. Call the bank. Release my funds. Book a flight, and have some FUN!
and it's all the same. Only WORSE, in fact. Now the "new girl" at work, I do all the shit work of course, work the yucky shifts, etc. After a long day on my feet doing the dirty work, I get ANOTHER annoying phone call from my temporary lawyer landlord about bills.??$!!$!! I thought they were all included, in fact, I am nearly sure we agreed upon it, and now he changes his tune. He has rung me nearly every day in the 3 weeks I've lived here about something or other. I am sick of his voice and his nagging texting and now I am just sick of him and want out of here asap. Good thing it's Saturday before I know it, and I'll be moving from here and this. THAT part is the wonderful thing about this traveling. Never in one place, no matter how good or bad, for very long. And now that I have my camera back, I can commence with the sightseeing and documenting. I am getting my bearings now, and can navigate around town pretty well with my map. Once I'm in Richmond, I've got a friend just down the road and a park across the street. In fact, I can walk through the park to work everyday if I want. Work has managed to get 4 days out of me, but at $15/hr cash I can't complain. It will allow me some time and money to figure out my next move, and enjoy the rest of my time here, with alot less stress, I HOPE. Let's hope. Once winter sets in here, I'll need to find warmer drier ground. Once I've got internet at home, I can do some research and figure out where's next and what's what. And what else to do while I'm here. Call the bank. Release my funds. Book a flight, and have some FUN!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
On a Dime.
On A Dime..
Life so far in Australia, much like the weather, changes on a dime. One moment, I am in the throws of depression. No job, way over budget, feeling nearly defeated, and wondering if I'll have to go home early with my tail tucked between my legs if things don't change..and then a phone call. A job I had nearly forgotten about, through a friend of a friend (Loooong shot) called up wanting to know if I could come in the next day, 10:30am..YEEEESSS!! I certainly can, I reply. And suddenly, it all looks brighter. I go about the day trying not to get my hopes up, too much stock in this long shot. But what if...
I arrived early today, at a big business building with security at the front desk. Surely I am in the wrong place? But she said the ABC building..? Well, ABC stands for Australia Broadcasting Center, where all the news and radio happens. Sacre Blu! All day long, I serve programmers and news casters for Melbourne proper..including the infamous JJJ (triple J), which I am familiar with from the Australia Day Pool Party, where we listened to the top 100 count down of the year on this station. I am in HEAVEN! The job is easy, all counter service and good food ( as much as I can eat or drink) nice people to work with, and better yet, they seem to like me! They asked me to come back any way. And send me home with some vegetarian lasagna at the end of the day. Free dinner, a days work consisting of hob knobbing with those I have similar interests in ( music, entertainment) AND a good cello connect. The Melbourne Symphonic Orchestra happens to do their recording sessions..IN MY BUILDING! I am walking on air today ladies and gents...feeling that kismet brought me here on this day. Thank you gods and goddesses. Thanks for hearing my cries for help, and delivering me to a great opportunity. I won't let you down. I'll do my best, give it my best shot. I am so blessed...
Life so far in Australia, much like the weather, changes on a dime. One moment, I am in the throws of depression. No job, way over budget, feeling nearly defeated, and wondering if I'll have to go home early with my tail tucked between my legs if things don't change..and then a phone call. A job I had nearly forgotten about, through a friend of a friend (Loooong shot) called up wanting to know if I could come in the next day, 10:30am..YEEEESSS!! I certainly can, I reply. And suddenly, it all looks brighter. I go about the day trying not to get my hopes up, too much stock in this long shot. But what if...
I arrived early today, at a big business building with security at the front desk. Surely I am in the wrong place? But she said the ABC building..? Well, ABC stands for Australia Broadcasting Center, where all the news and radio happens. Sacre Blu! All day long, I serve programmers and news casters for Melbourne proper..including the infamous JJJ (triple J), which I am familiar with from the Australia Day Pool Party, where we listened to the top 100 count down of the year on this station. I am in HEAVEN! The job is easy, all counter service and good food ( as much as I can eat or drink) nice people to work with, and better yet, they seem to like me! They asked me to come back any way. And send me home with some vegetarian lasagna at the end of the day. Free dinner, a days work consisting of hob knobbing with those I have similar interests in ( music, entertainment) AND a good cello connect. The Melbourne Symphonic Orchestra happens to do their recording sessions..IN MY BUILDING! I am walking on air today ladies and gents...feeling that kismet brought me here on this day. Thank you gods and goddesses. Thanks for hearing my cries for help, and delivering me to a great opportunity. I won't let you down. I'll do my best, give it my best shot. I am so blessed...
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