Melaluka

7 Selene Sunshine Beach, QLD Unit 1

After a whirlwind of couchsurfing, wwoofing, busing, training, even hitching a ride from a strange man named Cliff, I have landed in a very unique and quite possibly my favorite place since leaving Melbourne 2 months ago. I find myself in Noosa. This place is a little, and I mean little, slice of heaven. The town is quaint and cute, with one main road, but has everything you need. But my most favorite part, is where I now reside. I stay about a 45min walk out of town in a subdivision called Sunshine Beach. Here, I "rent" a room in a 3 bedroom apt. style accomidation. It's cheaper than dorms at a hostel, and due to it being off season, I only get occasional flatmates that drift in and out for a few days here and there, on their way..somewhere. Most of them can't stand to be here for long. Not much to do, far from town and its not exactly 4 star accomidation. There are ants in the kitchen, so don't leave anything on the counter, and my tiny little single twin bed sits in a room with windows too high for me too reach. Last night it began to rain in the middle of the night. I just had to move my bed out from under them to keep from getting wet. Problem solved!
Its not unlike some of the apts I've rented back home, for about the same price, and I have two lovely landlords, Bruce and Peter. They're twins. Their mum owns this place, and they run it for her. They are a hoot and a holler! always cracking jokes. They have the same shpeal they say to everyone that comes thru.."So I hear you're staying with us for a month?" Well, it may very well be actually.

I'm happy here. I while away the day hiking along the coastal trek that is National Park lands. It edges the ocean and there are some spectacular views up there. 2 hours later, you hit town and can walk back via the bike trail. Or there's always the beach, with its mesmerizing surf. I could sit for hours and stare at it. pondering. And I have alot to ponder.

Where do I go from here? I have made a few solid decisions. NO MORE HOSTELS. I can't stand them. They're expensive, loud, dirty and unsettling. I NEED A JOB. If I want to stay in Oz for the rest of the year, money will be essential. But I looked in the classifieds here yesterday. There were 2 listings. Not likely to find work here. I don't like wwoofing very much because you are at the mercy of your host. I'm a bit too independent for that. And I like money :) I'd like to be somewhere a LITTLE warmer. Winter is in full effect and while I do enjoy a cool breeze, the rain and wind and chill together do not make for good surfing conditions, and I want to learn to surf and snorkel. I have my sights set on Keppel Island. If I can find a ride, I may head that way. The buses are rediculously expensive and its a 15hr ride from here. But I may just decide to stay a bit. I am in a unique position to see people come and go, to leave when I wish, and enjoy the peace and quiet that is Noosa Heads.

Deep.Press.On.

It's like a flash flood. All of a sudden, I am sad. Lonely. Afraid. And I can't stop it. The thoughts and feelings won't subside, they only increase when I try. There's no reason for it. Other than the obvious. Bad stuff happens. Happened. And it scarred me. Continues to haunt me. And just when I think I am getting over it, it runs me down like a freight train, again and again.It followed me across land and sea to keep me in my shell, to keep me from being free. From happy. I don't know how long I have to wait, what path I need to take. How long....til I get better? Maybe never. Maybe I am sick in the head. Maybe I have chemical imbalances that cause it. But I refuse to believe that as an answer, an excuse for being sad. Sometimes, a girl just cries. And its not because of a man, or anything you can put a name to. She just cries for the sorrow of living. It is a hard, hard thing. Way harder than dying. I imagine that, is pretty easy, once you know its happening. It's the surviving that is the hard part. What makes us strong. What makes us carry on. I dont want to talk to anyone. I dont want to listen to them. I just want to bury my head in the sand and listen to the ocean. Maybe it has the answers I so desperately seek. I hope I don't run out of money before I find the answers. Maybe there arent any. Maybe I'm just crazy for thinking things could be any better than they are. I should be happy. I know this. Everyone tells me. But I am not. usually. Mostly I am disspointed. And lonely. In a room full of people willing to listen, I have nothing to say. It is easier to write to myself knowing maybe no one will read it. Maybe they will. Who know? I don't really care.