WWOOF

For the last month I have been living with strangers and doing odd jobs for them
in exchange for room and board. It's been a real experience in the game of life.
I've found myself doing things I'd never do if I wasn't in this situation.
I've learned to plant from seed, transplant seedlings, catch a chicken, feed a
horse, level concrete, clear brush with a machete..I think tomorrow I'll be
mowing my first lawn..the list is endless. Everyday something new and different.

Challenge.

It has humbled me more than once, tried my patience on several occasions, and
deepened my compassion in ways I never imagined. When you live in this type of
an arrangement, you eat what and when they eat, go when and where they take
you, and do what, when they tell you. I AM NOT USED TO THAT AT ALL. I've
lived the last few years prior in my own place, doing what and when I please.
I've never though of myself as a finicky eater, but a healthy one. Well, in the last
month I must have gained 5 kilos eating whatever was being fed to me. I can still
fit into my pants. Barely. You could say, kindly, that I look "healthy". The
heaviest I've been since I started my war with my body image about 10 years ago.
I'll blame that on the modeling and a skinny anorexic boyfriend. But with no
scales or mirrors, I have no way of knowing. no way of controlling. This is
interesting. The only other time I've been this heavy was my 6 wk backpack to
Europe, when all I ate for a month was cheese and chocolate. For the last week
I've had beef for every meal. Heavy, saucy meals. heaps of it. And when someone
hands you a plate of food, you eat it. Especially if you were hungry 2 hours ago.

So thats this.I think the next part of my journey will be finding balance between
too much control, and this over indulgence to spite myself role I've taken on.
I WILL NOT GET FAT. But I will also not be one of those girls that starves
herself. Not anymore. I want to enjoy my life. And my body. There must be a
way. I'm hitting the gym next week. It's not too late to turn this around .

Waves

Waves..it all comes in waves. one moment you're high on inspiration, minutes from elation, and the next, plunged into depression. For what reason? It's all the same thing really. What makes us happy eventually will make us miserable, either through loss, transformation, or some other form of torture. It's all so cynical, I mean, cyclical. Just like the ocean. Someone said to me last night that my relationship with the ocean is a direct reflection of my personal relationships. Well, that explains alot.

I've had a bad relationship with the ocean since I was about 11. It was around then that I got scared of it. And truthfully, although I hadn't thought about it for ages, I havent been in the ocean hardly since then. Until now. All I want to do is run into the water and tumble in the waves. I have become infatuated by it.
Yesterday, I got chased by a wave. It was amazing. I was standing on the beach, looking out over the ocean, a dreary grey sky up above. When I noticed a wave coming. For some reason, I thought, I'm gonna run and let it chase me. I turned around and no sooner than I did, it came up quickly all around me, gushing forward, drenching me to my thighs. That wave went all the way up into the sand dunes. A rogue wave. Everything we had brought with us was pushed up the beach, soaked with sand and sea. Luckily, my camera stayed relatively dry. But I didn't even care, I was so impressed.

This is what its all about right now.

Living out here on the "farm" in Mullumbimby is a challenge everyday..It's lifeskills I'm learning here. Survival. From the tiny little things, like sharing and being considerate of the many housemates(when you're used to being all on your own) to physically difficult things to do, like using a machete to hack down jungle-like vines and wading through 5ft grass hoping no snakes are about.(I guess thats mental, but still..) The spiders still get me. Yesterday, I shrieked uncontrollably as one jumped out of a box I was rummaging through. damn things are HUGE. and quick.

Anyway, I've decided to stay a bit, for lack of a better, cheaper option for the next week. I don't know how it'll go. The brother is going through a messy split up with the Mrs. and two kids (poor buggers) so its "dramas", and the work is medial and sometimes trivial and pointless in my opinion. Two brothers trying to build a room, with big dreams and ideas flying through the air but little actually getting done. "Boom, boom boom and its done, ya see.?." over and over again. I get frustrated at times, and want to give up. But something is keeping me here, and as the rain buckets down on this chilly winter morning in May, I think, this is a home. The only one I know for now. Another week I can handle. And then...off for more adventure.

Things Australian

There are many things worth noting about the difference between Oz and ATX, America. And as the saying goes, it's just the little things, that mean so much. So I'll tell you a bit about what I've observed in my 4 months down under.

First things first, the women here spare no expense on beauty. It is not uncommon for them to be fully decked out in party make up at 7am for a play date in the park, and not at all surprising if they show up in heels. They even make little plastic knobs to put on the end of your stilettos so you don't sink into the grass at weddings or other outdoor functions. They love them. They all know how to walk in them, even the young ones. I have met several women with hair extensions, and even fake eyelashes sewn in. Baffling, coming from a town where most women don't even bother with make up. Even more baffling? The men LOVE IT. Seeing girls all tarted up is what gets them going. A bit dissapointing. I do believe, however, Hollywood is to blame for most of this, as they are also obsessed with American media. Most of their TV is American, and they get all the US films, if not a bit late. No wonder. Entourage is one of their favorite shows.

NOW-I am willing to admit that this could very well be going on right under my nose in my own home town and me be none the wiser. But that is the beauty of traveling. You see everything as if for the first time. You notice the little things, like all the pretty sculptures and fountains, the street art and graffitti. What people are wearing, their slang, my favorite thus far "Sweet as!" meaning "awesome" or in my terms, "baddass"..the not so great ones like "you reckon?" or using Zed for "Z" . The mispronunciations of the words herb and tomato still shits me. (Yet another slang term for being a pet "hate"/pieve)
You could go all day with an aussie exchanging what word we use for this or that, as they have created their own little language within the English one. Another one of my favorite things they do is give people obscure nicknames, like Flick, Jono, Simo (for John or Simon, still not sure what Flick is short for) or for a different example, if they think someone looks like a "serial" killer, nicknaming them Kellogs. Adding "o" or "ie" to stuff after shortening it is a typical slang rule in Oz, although there are many exceptions, like "arvo" which means afternoon...where do they get the "v"? Furthermore, they have several other colorful words to mean, ahem, "f-ed up" in our terms. Stuffed, rooted, shagged, etc, etc.

At any rate, these are the things I see in my everyday life in Australia. The women are slutty, the men are hungry, and everyone is a little bit potty mouthed. They drink alot, but NEVER drinkdrive, and depending on who you meet, they may just take you for a ride.

Out on the Range

Standing in the middle of that open field today, I overcame some major fears about life. I saw a vastness that I have never seen or felt before. Laid out before me, was life. It was raw and a little dangerous, thick grass all around..you don't know what you're stepping into. Beware of the snakes. I am terrified but with a little faith and courage, I took the first steps. So scared at first, I sang out loud, to soothe my own nerves and hopefully scare away any vermin that would be lurking under there. Soon though, I began to take more confident steps until I was trudging thru like I owned the place. I watered those trees and it felt good to be there. Without fear. Such a simple task but in doing so, I was giving back to the earth. An equal exchange. I am finally beginning to realize how precious it is. WHAT it is, at all. Its not something that comes easy for me. I have to work at finding the point in most tasks. But maybe that's because I've been doing the wrong ones. Wide open spaces, and bringing life to the living. Feels pretty damn good out here.

Beyond the "Big Smoke"

I've completely switched gears, and I am loving every minute of it. Took the late ( and only train) from Gosford to Nabiac, arriving near midnight Sunday, after spending a lovely weekend with Celie, the late blooming jazz singing sweetheart. She scooped me up from Town Hall in Sydney and drove us out to Avoca Beach, quite possibly the loveliest I've seen yet. The surf was mesmerizing there, perfect sets lining up for the surfers who jumped off the cliffs into the sea foam and somehow emerged unscaved and paddled out to meet their destiny. I sat for hours watching and listening to the waves, thinking, "I am in the most beautiful place in the world" both literally and physically. Simply amazing. And no digital picture could capture that beauty so I didn't even try. I'll keep that in the vault. My memory, of such a perfect moment in this grande journey. We sang, we ate, we laughed, oh, such a time. And now, out on the prairie, so to speak, in Nabiac, this tiny little town in the middle of no where. Miles and miles of field and trees and plants..galore! I planted raddish, pok choi, dill, cherry tomatoes, as well as propagated rosemary and geranium. Learning all kinds of good stuff, and having a ball doing it. What could be better?? I don't know. I tell you, this is what I came here for. And its coming true! Having the time of my life here in Nabiac. Some call me crazy, but I am on a journey and nothing is stopping me from learning a whole new way of life. Big smiles, waving from here :)

p.s. the burger shown above, is the best I've ever had. Grilled pineapple, aussie bacon, beetroot, fried egg, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cheese...delicious! no sauce needed.

From here.

The journey thus far something out of a movie. Each interaction with strangers strengthens my desires to keep going..everyone so supportive of this hairbrain idea I have of finding my happiness. If you don't know, you might as well go. Go anywhere you want to, see the world, adventure. I've done things I never thought I would, just because I could, and I can't help but feel a little naughty, a little guilty, for this freedom I have. I shouldn't. It was my decisions, good and bad, that brought me here. NO one can take credit for that but me.

From here, I have decided to alter the plan. Originally meant to spend the next 3 months in Sydney, another big city, I opted for a more complicated path. I want more out of this than bright lights and boozy nights. Through couchsurfing and wwoofing, I'll be spending the month of May with complete strangers, in random little towns, who have taken a leap of faith on me, and invited me into their homes to stay and live like they do. Tonight, at the stroke of 6pm, Celie, the late blooming jazz singer will sweep me from the steps of Town Hall and drive me to Gosford. She lives there, about 1 1/2 hours north of Sydney. From the reactions of the Sydneysiders, "Why are you going THERE?" I know I'll like it. Away from it all. And in the company of someone who seems from our interactions, to have alot to offer me in my quest to find my voice.

Then on Mother's Day, I will travel out to Nambiac, another 1 1/2 hrs north from Gosford, to stay with a family of 3. Cherylea owns a seedling nursery, some horses, dogs, cats and chooks (chickens). She sells her wares at the local weekend markets, and in exchange for room and board I will help her wherever needed. She sounds like a really fun lady, and I'm anxious to meet her 16 yr old daughter Tegan, and husband Martin and all their animals. Here I will dig in the dirt, walk the dogs, snatch eggs from the chickens (who apparently love Meatloaf. the singer. not the food.), and enjoy the country life for a while. I can't wait. Then out to Hunter Valley, for some work on a vineyard..I will be doing exactly what I want to be doing. Learning. Living. Laughing. and Loving. Blessings. I am speechless about my luck here.

Happy days ahead is my forecast. As the weather gets chilly, I will seek shelter in the warmth of aussie hospitality. Out of the city. Into the country. Exploring all possibilities. On the hunt for me.