Gonna Take a Ride on a Big Jet Plane

here it is. My last night in Australia. I have been anxiously awaiting it for months now. And dreading it all the same. The last 12 days out in the mountains was a struggle like I have never encountered. I fought myself tooth and nail, emotions bubbling up and out and as I seethed and writhed internally, it took it's toll on my body. I was supposed to be out there soaking up the mountain air, meditating on life, relaxing and gathering my spirit to go home. Well, I wouldn't exactly say that was the case. What it was, was back breaking mind blowingly hard work. On so many levels. I've decided to try and reflect a little on it before I bash it all to hell, because I am quite sure I got alot out of it. But even today I feel spent. Shattered. Knackered. etc..I am so weary. barely here, nearly there..somewhere in between. Last night I got the chills and stomach aches and I spent most of the night shivering beneath a blanket on the couch near the toilet with my hot water bottled nestled on my belly. You could say my nerves are a jitter. Seems like even as a little girl, I got these "jitters". Where I uncontrollably shake and shiver, not really from outside chill, but more like inside. I will admit I'm scared. Of what waits for me back "home", of what I'm leaving behind here. This freedom, this amazing opportunity to explore like I never have. As hard as I crave familiar, the adventure girl is clinging to the journey. so not much has changed ya see, still fighting the good fight..within myself. With my self. how silly it seems, yet I can't help it. I want too many things opposing. I want the comforts of home, but the thrill of the unknown. As much as I long for a companion in life, so often times, I just want to be alone. Ah well, so it goes. I guess this is just the way its gonna be. I've been thinking, day dreaming about what kind of life I want to create now. Maybe get a dog. A happy old lab who just wants to sweetly lick my hand, or nap at my feet and go on evening walks. haha, who needs a partner?
I think first things first, the long ride home. gonna take a ride on a big jet plane. 24 hours from now, I will fly through the night, across the Pacific and back in time to arrive in Austin only 3 and a half hours after I depart. Crazy.