Deep.Press.On.

It's like a flash flood. All of a sudden, I am sad. Lonely. Afraid. And I can't stop it. The thoughts and feelings won't subside, they only increase when I try. There's no reason for it. Other than the obvious. Bad stuff happens. Happened. And it scarred me. Continues to haunt me. And just when I think I am getting over it, it runs me down like a freight train, again and again.It followed me across land and sea to keep me in my shell, to keep me from being free. From happy. I don't know how long I have to wait, what path I need to take. How long....til I get better? Maybe never. Maybe I am sick in the head. Maybe I have chemical imbalances that cause it. But I refuse to believe that as an answer, an excuse for being sad. Sometimes, a girl just cries. And its not because of a man, or anything you can put a name to. She just cries for the sorrow of living. It is a hard, hard thing. Way harder than dying. I imagine that, is pretty easy, once you know its happening. It's the surviving that is the hard part. What makes us strong. What makes us carry on. I dont want to talk to anyone. I dont want to listen to them. I just want to bury my head in the sand and listen to the ocean. Maybe it has the answers I so desperately seek. I hope I don't run out of money before I find the answers. Maybe there arent any. Maybe I'm just crazy for thinking things could be any better than they are. I should be happy. I know this. Everyone tells me. But I am not. usually. Mostly I am disspointed. And lonely. In a room full of people willing to listen, I have nothing to say. It is easier to write to myself knowing maybe no one will read it. Maybe they will. Who know? I don't really care.