Holding

I'm in a holding pattern. Each day I wake with new ambition, but little fruition, as I have not much to do and plenty of time to do it. One more week, then 10 days and I'm home! How weird is THAT? To think on those terms..so far to go, so little time, and yet..as if it is standing still. I am holding..

So much on my mind as I wait. What will I do? How will I do it? Beginning again with nothing. Clean slate. It's hard not to remember the mistakes I've made before. I attempt to make a vow to myself to go quality not quantity this time around. But who's counting? Well you know I am :) But I feel calmer, much less in a hurry to get anything or anywhere. This morning I woke up really early before anyone and took a walk in this charming little neighborhood. I will miss this. Miss it all. The freedom, the way I can take my time and spread out a day by just wandering in the park. How everything looks new because it is to me, and all the little things no one else sees anymore because they're familiar, make my day. Picking up dead flowers and interesting leaves and sticks, I catch people smiling and or laughing at me all the time. What they must think of my strange behavior. As if I care..

On coming back to America, I have to say it doesn't seem as though much has changed for the better. I guess I haven't been gone long enough for that to happen. But its been weird to not be a part of it, as small of a role as I play day to day. At least being there I have some say. Here, its a constant barrage of questions I don't have answers for. It's hard to explain American mentality to an aussie when you don't fully understand it yourself, just that it IS what it is, and it gives me some kind of comfort, as messed up as that is. I surely don't understand how and why they do what they do here. Even after 9 months, I still get floored by the rules and restrictions so different from what I know. Or lack thereof, in some cases.

At any rate, I sit. I wait. catch up on my Showtime sitcoms. Bake sweet treats and look through my pictures. It'll all be over soon. And I will miss this. I know this much.